Conquering the Waves
The Creation and Influence of Magnificence & Chaos
Written by Cristen Lin | Edited by Erin Hunt
Growing up in the age of social media, I sometimes feel powerless as I surf the untamed waters of blinking pixels, flashing images, and shifting interfaces, pulling me every which way beneath the undertow. The younger Cristen was ten times as bewildered, as what one content creator preached could be invalidated by another, leaving me feeling confused, lost, and seemingly powerless, yet desperately wanting a mind of my own. And while celebrities’ immaculate YouTube channels and flawless Instagram feeds pressured my young, impressionable brain, my peers’ social media posts put the heaviest shackles on my mind. I was forced to confront the glorified versions of my friends’ lives: flawless makeup, expensive presents, and elaborate dinner parties. My life seemed unbearably lame in comparison.
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Over the years, I gradually became conscious of how detrimental social media was to my mental well-being. A major tipping point came when I decided to create a series of paintings to explore my conflicted relationship with media, documenting my inner struggles as a teenager trapped in the social media maelstrom.
Inspired by pop art portraitist Andy Warhol, I sought to do for social media what he’d done for popular culture. Armed with one paintbrush, “The Portrayer of Magnificence & Chaos,” I painted swarming clusters of neon squares to resemble pixels and streaming stripes of electric color to indicate digital glitching. While the bright colors reflected the magnificence of social media, they also communicated an air of chaos with overwhelming, clashing stimuli. “The Betrayer of Hidden Reality” was dedicated solely to black and white paints, depicting my solemn, glum face staring blankly into space as my grayish portrait pixelated into fragmented bits. In one piece that explores my deepest vulnerabilities, colorful “glitching” stripes flood from my eyes and down my black-and-white face like wide bands of tears, highlighting my broken emotions and self-doubt inflicted by online peer pressure. In another piece, vibrant pixels symbolize the glamourous yet chaotic modern era of social media, contrasting with my monochromatic portrait and revealing my inner boredom and numbness towards the distractions that constantly bombard me.
Observing all the completed self-portraits side-by-side, I felt a long-lost sense of tranquility and introspectiveness. I gazed at a somber portrait, and its dark, black eyes stared straight back at me. I was confronted by these portraits – authentic representations of not only the bewildered young Cristen from the past but also the maturing Cristen who sought to improve social media, both for herself and others, by revealing her scars of the past. Since painting my series, I’ve opened my mind’s eye to examine, understand, and build confidence in myself, learning to question people’s opinions online and distinguish real life from the superficial posts, where imperfections are hidden and toxicity is magnified. Subsequently, I developed the skill to disentangle the distortions of reality on social media. Instead of existing solely for entertainment, social media platforms became places for me to educate and enlighten myself. I developed both a well-informed, rational mind and opinions of my own, independent of others’ views. In real life, my self-worth and communication skills flourished; I was no longer the confidence-deprived Cristen who once drowned in a sea of social media superficiality.
A year has passed since I created my series of self-portraits, and I have since chosen to become a media studies student in college. Now, when I re-open my portfolio case to observe my portraits, the clashing colors, swarming pixels, and glitching stripes seem to portray me and my perception of social media in a different way from my original intention when applying paint to canvas. Behind all the previous sorrow and gloom, my ambition to utilize and reshape social media’s capabilities peeks out at me with eyes of determination. As I grow, the meaning of these paintings metamorphosize with me. Unlike social media posts, which consist of images that can be easily deleted, edited, and swapped out, my self-portraits that depict these temporary forms of representation are, ironically, absolutely permanent, authentic, and timeless.
Reconciling my relationship with social media through my paintings has evoked an everlasting desire to help those around me avoid similar pitfalls with media. Yet, escaping media is both impossible and imprudent: it will forever remain a revolutionary form of communication that makes information readily accessible, as well as a characteristic aspect of our generation. Creating the self-portraits rewarded me with tangible manifestations of social media’s invisible yet injurious impacts, solidifying my goal of contributing to decreased online toxicity and increased media literacy in society. Although I still have a long way to go and my path is ambiguous, I hope that soon, my contributions will help younger generations surf high above the treacherous waters of social media and beyond.